I don't want it all.

News broke today that Marissa Mayer, the newly appointed CEO of Yahoo, is pregnant and expecting her first child in the fall. First of all, kudos to her for being a young woman who has busted her butt to climb the corporate ladder in a tech firm. She should be the model for the Yahoo Barbie doll.

Since the news broke I've read a few articles that are trying to use Ms. Mayer as proof that women can in fact have it all. I think this statement--having it all--may be at the heart of the so-called mommy wars. And now the media is once again using a strong woman to make others feel inadequate. How about all those male CEOs--is anybody asking if they have it all? I don't think so. I don't believe for a second you can have it all.

I believe that phrase---that expectation--leads to a life of discontent. Life is about choices. When you have children (or, for that matter, choose not to), you have to forge a path where you decide which sacrifices will lead to which rewards. Those choices are so very personal, and they pervade every moment of every day.

I read one article that asked, "If you're up at 2 a.m. with a baby, why not read memos from your team?" Maybe because that 2am feeding is the only time your baby lays still enough for you to notice her curls have grown or her cheeks have filled out or her toes no longer curl when you tickle her feet. Those moments are fleeting, and deserve your full attention. Or maybe the contents of that memo involve complex legal issues that will affect a major settlement which will, in turn, completely change the course of somebody else's life. Those moments are intense, and deserve your full attention. If that is the definition of having it all, I don't want it all.

I have mom friends that have one foot in each world and get to celebrate big wins at work, and big milestones at home--but sometimes feel the pull when they have to leave a sick baby at home to make an important presentation, or skip a business trip to be home for a first birthday. They don't have it all. They've made the choices that are best for their families, they endure the sacrifices, and they revel in the rewards. 

Obviously, I've chosen to spend these years at home with my babies. My choice does not come without sacrifices--I certainly feel a pang when I see a member of my graduating class in the news for winning a major case. There are days when I wish I was knee deep in legal briefs instead of dirty diapers. But for me, I would not trade these years with my babies for anything. I've made choices. I've made sacrifices. I know I don't have it all but the truth is, I have everything I need.