I can vividly remember my mother telling me, "Good enough, isn't." She said it when I tried to half-arse a school project, take less-than-enough time to pick out a special gift, or make my bed--barely. Although I can't remember which of her relatives instilled that value in her, I can hear her saying it in my head (when she isn't saying it in person) as I go through my day-to-day tasks.
As I swiftered my kitchen floor today, I caught myself looking at the not-really-sparkling-clean floor, and muttering outloud "It's good enough." But...is it? Yeah, I think so.
Why? Because it's not that important. I clean my floor at least once a week, sometimes 3 or 4 times...and within minutes, it has a mashed blueberry, or a smattering of milkbone crumbs, or (lately) some soup drippings.
I just don't have time to focus on that right now. Yes, I'm a SAHM. Yes, my full time job is to keep my house in order and my son taken care of. Sure, I can always make the time to get down on my hands and knees to scrub the floor...or I can spend that time taking my son to the park, or reading him a story or perfecting our dance moves.
...and anyway, although my floor may not look clean enough to eat off of, if you time it just right, it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Simple Pleasures
I don't write as much as I originally thought I would, because I don't always feel like I have anything interesting to say. But maybe that's the point. Most of my days are filled with simple things that make me, the Tatiman, DH, and the Du (our golden retriever) very happy.
I thought about this yesterday, while the Tatiman and I enjoyed a simple peasant lunch--grilled cheese and soup. Seriously, what could be better than a crisp* fall day with homemade pumpkin bisque and granny smith apples, brie, honey, and fresh homemade** croissants, all gooey and warm from a stint in the panini press.
After lunch, we went down to walk along the boardwalk. We watched countless planes flying overhead, stuck our tootsies in the water, and tried to stand in some other family's photographs (ok, only one of us did that--you decide which).
A perfectly simple day...simply perfect.
*By "crisp" I mean it was like 80 and muggy...WHERE is fall?
**By "homemade" I mean I pulled the croissants, that were made at the Giant and brought for a playdate a month ago, out of the freezer--but I did freshly defrost them.
I thought about this yesterday, while the Tatiman and I enjoyed a simple peasant lunch--grilled cheese and soup. Seriously, what could be better than a crisp* fall day with homemade pumpkin bisque and granny smith apples, brie, honey, and fresh homemade** croissants, all gooey and warm from a stint in the panini press.
After lunch, we went down to walk along the boardwalk. We watched countless planes flying overhead, stuck our tootsies in the water, and tried to stand in some other family's photographs (ok, only one of us did that--you decide which).
A perfectly simple day...simply perfect.
*By "crisp" I mean it was like 80 and muggy...WHERE is fall?
**By "homemade" I mean I pulled the croissants, that were made at the Giant and brought for a playdate a month ago, out of the freezer--but I did freshly defrost them.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Mommies say the Darndest Things.
…sooooo I’ve been slacking a bit on the blog. I’d like to put an optimistic spin on it: I haven’t really been slacking on the blog so much as I’ve been too busy living life. In the past few months we have: flown to Florida, and home. Flown to California, and home. Visited Pennsylvania. Gone to the lake for a week. Spent not-a-single-weekend in over two months at our house. Attended countless playgroups. Started and finished swim lessons. Oh…and started a baking business.
But now I’m back, here to blog for your enjoyment. For those keeping up, the Tatiman is now 13 months old. He has managed to earn himself 3 black eyes and 1 fat lip since he started walking. Now he is running. I’m terrified.
Before I had a kid, I said all kinds of things I never imagined I would say. Many of those things were said after a frosty beverage, or three, but I digress. Now that I am a mommy (or, Daddy, as the Tatiman insists on calling me), I find myself saying all kinds of things I NEVER imagined I would say.
I think I’m going to compile a list, and write a book.
So far on my list:
1. Please don’t lick your shoes.
2. Please don’t put your chopsticks in your poop.
I know its early to contact Houghton Mifflin, but it’s a start.
What have YOU said that made you snicker as it came out?
But now I’m back, here to blog for your enjoyment. For those keeping up, the Tatiman is now 13 months old. He has managed to earn himself 3 black eyes and 1 fat lip since he started walking. Now he is running. I’m terrified.
Before I had a kid, I said all kinds of things I never imagined I would say. Many of those things were said after a frosty beverage, or three, but I digress. Now that I am a mommy (or, Daddy, as the Tatiman insists on calling me), I find myself saying all kinds of things I NEVER imagined I would say.
I think I’m going to compile a list, and write a book.
So far on my list:
1. Please don’t lick your shoes.
2. Please don’t put your chopsticks in your poop.
I know its early to contact Houghton Mifflin, but it’s a start.
What have YOU said that made you snicker as it came out?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Book Review: Comeback Moms
“How to Leave Work, Raise Children, and Restart Your Career Even If You Haven’t Had a Job in Years” by Monica Samuels & J. C. Conklin.
This book should be required reading for anybody contemplating becoming a SAHM. The blurb on the front cover says it all:
Millions of educated, professional women are quitting their jobs to stay home and raise their children…You worked hard for your degree and even harder to get to this point in your career…Once you have a baby, your life changes in ways you’d never imagine. Some of your friends and family members may think you’ve gone a little crazy…
Yes. Yes. And Yes.
Comeback Moms is all about strategy—setting the groundwork for one day (even if that day is 10 years away) re-entering the workforce. It is the only book I’ve come across that seems to suggest that women really can do it all—just not all at one time—and that is a marvelous thing.
A few of my favorite tips:
1. Handle money issues up front. As a former divorce lawyer, I know finances lead to the breakup of many-a-marriage. You are an adult, you should not receive an “allowance.” Set a family budget that meets both of your needs. Discuss splurges before you purchase them—this goes for both of you. Nobody wants to stare at a large screen TV that they resent…or feel guilty wearing a hot pair of pumps.
2. Count your blessings. Really. Millions of women would love to be in your shoes. Yes, raising your children is the hardest job in the world. But just because your husband is going to an office every day does not mean he is not also raising your children. It is hard for both of you—for different reasons—acknowledge that. And then think about how lucky you are to be able to spend these precious times at home.
3. Keep your career title. This one really hit home. I remember the first time I had to fill out a form at the pediatricians after I stopped working…I had no idea what to put in the “occupation” section. People do think differently of you when you are ‘just a mom’. So, don’t be ‘just a mom’—be an ‘attorney/stay-at-home-mom’. Or a ‘consultant’ or a ‘writer’—you still are whatever you were before, just on hiatus. Plus, you never know where that next job opportunity might come from.
4. Remind yourself that you are a smart person. Ahhh, the dreaded cocktail party. Another ‘just a mom’ situation. You are still an adult, and you are entitled to enjoy adult conversation.
5. Keep a foot in the door. If you intend to go back to work—ever—make sure you keep up with contacts. Schedule a lunch date once a month. Volunteer in a place that people in your field are likely to be working. Not only will you enjoy staying in the loop, it will keep fresh in the minds of potential future employers.
6. Use the time at home to prepare for your future career. Seems kind of crazy—but think of your time at home as an opportunity to decide what you really want to be when you grow up. If you loved what you did—the decision is probably easy—go back to it. If you didn’t—you can volunteer in any number of potential future career situations—and decide what your passion may be. It is a luxury, don’t miss out on the chance.
In addition to tips for the already-at-home-mom, Comeback Moms offers advice for preparing to leave your career to stay at home. I only wish I had known about this book before I embarked on this adventure…
This book should be required reading for anybody contemplating becoming a SAHM. The blurb on the front cover says it all:
Millions of educated, professional women are quitting their jobs to stay home and raise their children…You worked hard for your degree and even harder to get to this point in your career…Once you have a baby, your life changes in ways you’d never imagine. Some of your friends and family members may think you’ve gone a little crazy…
Yes. Yes. And Yes.
Comeback Moms is all about strategy—setting the groundwork for one day (even if that day is 10 years away) re-entering the workforce. It is the only book I’ve come across that seems to suggest that women really can do it all—just not all at one time—and that is a marvelous thing.
A few of my favorite tips:
1. Handle money issues up front. As a former divorce lawyer, I know finances lead to the breakup of many-a-marriage. You are an adult, you should not receive an “allowance.” Set a family budget that meets both of your needs. Discuss splurges before you purchase them—this goes for both of you. Nobody wants to stare at a large screen TV that they resent…or feel guilty wearing a hot pair of pumps.
2. Count your blessings. Really. Millions of women would love to be in your shoes. Yes, raising your children is the hardest job in the world. But just because your husband is going to an office every day does not mean he is not also raising your children. It is hard for both of you—for different reasons—acknowledge that. And then think about how lucky you are to be able to spend these precious times at home.
3. Keep your career title. This one really hit home. I remember the first time I had to fill out a form at the pediatricians after I stopped working…I had no idea what to put in the “occupation” section. People do think differently of you when you are ‘just a mom’. So, don’t be ‘just a mom’—be an ‘attorney/stay-at-home-mom’. Or a ‘consultant’ or a ‘writer’—you still are whatever you were before, just on hiatus. Plus, you never know where that next job opportunity might come from.
4. Remind yourself that you are a smart person. Ahhh, the dreaded cocktail party. Another ‘just a mom’ situation. You are still an adult, and you are entitled to enjoy adult conversation.
5. Keep a foot in the door. If you intend to go back to work—ever—make sure you keep up with contacts. Schedule a lunch date once a month. Volunteer in a place that people in your field are likely to be working. Not only will you enjoy staying in the loop, it will keep fresh in the minds of potential future employers.
6. Use the time at home to prepare for your future career. Seems kind of crazy—but think of your time at home as an opportunity to decide what you really want to be when you grow up. If you loved what you did—the decision is probably easy—go back to it. If you didn’t—you can volunteer in any number of potential future career situations—and decide what your passion may be. It is a luxury, don’t miss out on the chance.
In addition to tips for the already-at-home-mom, Comeback Moms offers advice for preparing to leave your career to stay at home. I only wish I had known about this book before I embarked on this adventure…
Monday, July 20, 2009
It's Happening...
Just a few short weeks into my SAHM adventure, I wrote about Dr. Laura, and my thoughts on her Today Show appearance to tout her new book, In Praise of Stay At Home Moms. In that post I said "Dr. Laura went on to use terms including “denigrated” “not supported” “made to feel stupid”…and that there “isn’t much in society that says what you are doing is wonderful”. Maybe I’ve just been really lucky—I haven’t run into any of this. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite... In fact every single person that has made a comment on our decision has made a positive comment."
That was then. This is now.
It's been a wonderfully adventurous summer here in Tatiman-land. Full of challenges for the Tatiman. Learning to walk-Check. Learning to say "please"-Check. Learning to 'baaaa' like a sheep-almost there (Tatiman says 'daaaaa'...like a dyslexic sheep). Full of challenges for the mommy, too. Taking the Tatiman on a cross country flight-Check. Attempting to get back in shape-Check minus. Feeling totally comfortable in my SAHM role-RUH ROH RORGE.
I'll admit it--my pride has had a few dents and dings as of late. The first came while on our trip to California to celebrate my college roommate's birthday. It was my first time meeting new people in a 'professional' (read: non play group) setting. Of course everybody exchanged the usual niceties: "What's your name?" "Where ya from?"...those were easy enough. And then the never before, but now kind of dreaded "What do you do?" Gulp. This group of 30-somethings was filled with high achievers. Consultants. Educators. Executives. Engineers. Computer Geeks. And one lowly SAHM. It was, for sure, a conversation ender. I wanted to scream "...but I used to be an attorney" on more than one occasion. I wanted to stamp "...but I'm still cool to talk to" on my forehead. I wanted...to crawl into a little hole.
The second ding, and my inspiration to come back to my blog, was a little newspaper article I was interviewed for. The article mentioned how I left my law firm to stay at home with my son (among other things, which are neither here nor there). On the newspaper's website, strangers made all sorts of comments--that I know I shouldn't get fired up about--but I'm not just a SAHM, I'm a Mama Bear now, too. What really burns me is that people assume that I am in my situation because I could not hack it as an attorney--or because I took the easy way out of the workforce. How denigrating.
And, I'm not even sure why. I am so in love with my job, that I sometimes find myself tearing up when I think about how lucky I am. I was there when my son took his first steps. I was there to snuggle him when he got his first black eye, followed by bruised forehead, fat lip, and scraped nose (nobody said learning to walk is easy). I am proud of the person he is becoming, and heck, I may even take a bit of the credit for it. But, it does sting a little bit when I know that I haven't changed, but others' perception of me has.
In line for a taco at my former college roomie's blowout Bday party, I struck up a conversation with the party-goer behind me. We followed the proper introduction etiquette, but I got to go first. And when I got to the "What do you do?" part...she gulped, shifted her weight back and forth...and then squeaked out, "I'm an artist." I got so excited...tons of questions filled my head (what kind of art? do you have a studio? what inspires you...etc etc etc) and then she continued "...it's kind of embarrassing."
WHAT? Embarrassing? You create beauty in the world around you. You make people smile or laugh or cry through your work. You found something you love and you had the guts to turn it into your career.
Touche.
That was then. This is now.
It's been a wonderfully adventurous summer here in Tatiman-land. Full of challenges for the Tatiman. Learning to walk-Check. Learning to say "please"-Check. Learning to 'baaaa' like a sheep-almost there (Tatiman says 'daaaaa'...like a dyslexic sheep). Full of challenges for the mommy, too. Taking the Tatiman on a cross country flight-Check. Attempting to get back in shape-Check minus. Feeling totally comfortable in my SAHM role-RUH ROH RORGE.
I'll admit it--my pride has had a few dents and dings as of late. The first came while on our trip to California to celebrate my college roommate's birthday. It was my first time meeting new people in a 'professional' (read: non play group) setting. Of course everybody exchanged the usual niceties: "What's your name?" "Where ya from?"...those were easy enough. And then the never before, but now kind of dreaded "What do you do?" Gulp. This group of 30-somethings was filled with high achievers. Consultants. Educators. Executives. Engineers. Computer Geeks. And one lowly SAHM. It was, for sure, a conversation ender. I wanted to scream "...but I used to be an attorney" on more than one occasion. I wanted to stamp "...but I'm still cool to talk to" on my forehead. I wanted...to crawl into a little hole.
The second ding, and my inspiration to come back to my blog, was a little newspaper article I was interviewed for. The article mentioned how I left my law firm to stay at home with my son (among other things, which are neither here nor there). On the newspaper's website, strangers made all sorts of comments--that I know I shouldn't get fired up about--but I'm not just a SAHM, I'm a Mama Bear now, too. What really burns me is that people assume that I am in my situation because I could not hack it as an attorney--or because I took the easy way out of the workforce. How denigrating.
And, I'm not even sure why. I am so in love with my job, that I sometimes find myself tearing up when I think about how lucky I am. I was there when my son took his first steps. I was there to snuggle him when he got his first black eye, followed by bruised forehead, fat lip, and scraped nose (nobody said learning to walk is easy). I am proud of the person he is becoming, and heck, I may even take a bit of the credit for it. But, it does sting a little bit when I know that I haven't changed, but others' perception of me has.
In line for a taco at my former college roomie's blowout Bday party, I struck up a conversation with the party-goer behind me. We followed the proper introduction etiquette, but I got to go first. And when I got to the "What do you do?" part...she gulped, shifted her weight back and forth...and then squeaked out, "I'm an artist." I got so excited...tons of questions filled my head (what kind of art? do you have a studio? what inspires you...etc etc etc) and then she continued "...it's kind of embarrassing."
WHAT? Embarrassing? You create beauty in the world around you. You make people smile or laugh or cry through your work. You found something you love and you had the guts to turn it into your career.
Touche.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
On a serious note.
Every now and then a horrible story makes the prime time news. A child is killed, or luckily escapes, after years of physical abuse. Each and every time one of these stories hits the airways, the newscaster questions how the abuse went unnoticed for so long.
I don't believe it goes unnoticed. I believe the general public is too scared to speak up. Too scared of what? I don't know. But our experiences this past weekend have convinced me.
The Tatiman has great big blue eyes, and acts like the Mayor of Munchkin land when we are in public. He thinks his stroller is the lead car in a parade, and he waves and pipes up "Hello" to every.single.person we pass. Needless to say, he garners a lot of attention from baby loving folks.
We celebrated July 4th visiting friends in California. The Tatiman and I flew cross country earlier in the week, and DH followed us out before the weekend. Tatiman made friends in every single line we waited in, exchanged flirts with people in every single elevator. And had no less than 50 people in his airplane fan club. Mayor Tatiman had a blast leading the cross country party.
The Tatiman also learned to walk in California. His first trick was falling, face first, into a glass coffee table at our beach condo. Within moments one of his big blue eyes was swollen and surrounded by bruising. Nothing like celebrating his first Independence Day with a shiner. So much for those adorable pictures in his patriotic outfit.
Thankfully, the Tatiman did not seem to experience much pain. After about 30 seconds of crying the episode was over, as far as he was concerned. We were surrounded by friends, and didn't really notice anything 'off' until we began our trip back East.
Nobody waved at the Tatiman. Nobody commented on his big blue eyes. Nobody asked me how old he was. Nobody laughed when he pointed at the lights on the plane and yelled "Light on!" in his silly little voice.
EVERYBODY stared. Everybody gave DH and I the once over...and then went back to what they were doing, glaring up at us ever so often.
In an entire 8 hour day of travel, exactly three people commented on the Tatiman at all. One, a father of 2 boys, struck up a conversation in the airport by saying "Hey Boxer" to the Tatiman. That gentleman shared a story of his oldest son's first black eye, and when I told him that he was the only person to comment, his response was "Yeah...but you know everybody is looking." A lady getting on the plane after us asked if he was in a bar fight, and then continued on to her seat. And one other woman commented, after sitting in front of us the entire flight, that he was a well behaved baby (true)--no mention of the eye.
Once we got home I asked DH if he noticed that nobody interacted with the Tatiman the whole day, and almost nobody commented. We had come into contact with over 200 people, easily--and a measly three showed enough interest in a clearly injured child to speak up. We both agreed that this is how abuse goes "unnoticed." It is noticed, but nobody does anything about it.
I would have preferred 200 people asking me how he got his black eye, to 197 glaring at us and turning a blind eye. I have faith in humanity because of those three. Three people trusted their gut enough to strike up a conversation with us. I'm sure they were trying to feel us out a bit, see how we reacted to comments about our little bruiser. I hope that if they felt anything was off, they would have reported us. We need more of those people. We need people who are looking out for the littlest folks, who can't look out for themselves.
Please, please, please...if you see something that seems out of the ordinary...don't hesitate to speak up. You could get a funny story about a newly crowned toddler...or you could save a life.
I don't believe it goes unnoticed. I believe the general public is too scared to speak up. Too scared of what? I don't know. But our experiences this past weekend have convinced me.
The Tatiman has great big blue eyes, and acts like the Mayor of Munchkin land when we are in public. He thinks his stroller is the lead car in a parade, and he waves and pipes up "Hello" to every.single.person we pass. Needless to say, he garners a lot of attention from baby loving folks.
We celebrated July 4th visiting friends in California. The Tatiman and I flew cross country earlier in the week, and DH followed us out before the weekend. Tatiman made friends in every single line we waited in, exchanged flirts with people in every single elevator. And had no less than 50 people in his airplane fan club. Mayor Tatiman had a blast leading the cross country party.
The Tatiman also learned to walk in California. His first trick was falling, face first, into a glass coffee table at our beach condo. Within moments one of his big blue eyes was swollen and surrounded by bruising. Nothing like celebrating his first Independence Day with a shiner. So much for those adorable pictures in his patriotic outfit.
Thankfully, the Tatiman did not seem to experience much pain. After about 30 seconds of crying the episode was over, as far as he was concerned. We were surrounded by friends, and didn't really notice anything 'off' until we began our trip back East.
Nobody waved at the Tatiman. Nobody commented on his big blue eyes. Nobody asked me how old he was. Nobody laughed when he pointed at the lights on the plane and yelled "Light on!" in his silly little voice.
EVERYBODY stared. Everybody gave DH and I the once over...and then went back to what they were doing, glaring up at us ever so often.
In an entire 8 hour day of travel, exactly three people commented on the Tatiman at all. One, a father of 2 boys, struck up a conversation in the airport by saying "Hey Boxer" to the Tatiman. That gentleman shared a story of his oldest son's first black eye, and when I told him that he was the only person to comment, his response was "Yeah...but you know everybody is looking." A lady getting on the plane after us asked if he was in a bar fight, and then continued on to her seat. And one other woman commented, after sitting in front of us the entire flight, that he was a well behaved baby (true)--no mention of the eye.
Once we got home I asked DH if he noticed that nobody interacted with the Tatiman the whole day, and almost nobody commented. We had come into contact with over 200 people, easily--and a measly three showed enough interest in a clearly injured child to speak up. We both agreed that this is how abuse goes "unnoticed." It is noticed, but nobody does anything about it.
I would have preferred 200 people asking me how he got his black eye, to 197 glaring at us and turning a blind eye. I have faith in humanity because of those three. Three people trusted their gut enough to strike up a conversation with us. I'm sure they were trying to feel us out a bit, see how we reacted to comments about our little bruiser. I hope that if they felt anything was off, they would have reported us. We need more of those people. We need people who are looking out for the littlest folks, who can't look out for themselves.
Please, please, please...if you see something that seems out of the ordinary...don't hesitate to speak up. You could get a funny story about a newly crowned toddler...or you could save a life.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Dear Swimsuit Manufacturers.
Dear Sirs, (And I'm positive you are men, because women wouldn't choose to put other women through swimsuit hell),
Please take note:
1. If a woman has to buy a size 14 suit, chances are she is not happy about it in the first place. Chances are that she also has some back fat, thigh fat, and boob fat...in addition to the expected belly fat. Suits that have a back cut so low it shows her butt crack are NOT flattering. Neither are suits with leg-holes that go up higher than her (admittedly sagging) belly button. Your so-called-design decisions do not make the shopping experience any more pleasurable for her.
2. Just because a woman is not a size 2 (or 4 or 6 or even 8) does not mean she has size DD boobs. Dream on.
3. "Cover Up Skirts" that barely extend past her crotch are neither a "cover up" nor flattering. They call attention to the widest part of her thighs, and that will make her angry.
4. Now pay close attention, because this applies to women of all sizes: Polka dots are cute, but they should NEVER, EVER, be centered over a nipple area.
Thank you.
Please take note:
1. If a woman has to buy a size 14 suit, chances are she is not happy about it in the first place. Chances are that she also has some back fat, thigh fat, and boob fat...in addition to the expected belly fat. Suits that have a back cut so low it shows her butt crack are NOT flattering. Neither are suits with leg-holes that go up higher than her (admittedly sagging) belly button. Your so-called-design decisions do not make the shopping experience any more pleasurable for her.
2. Just because a woman is not a size 2 (or 4 or 6 or even 8) does not mean she has size DD boobs. Dream on.
3. "Cover Up Skirts" that barely extend past her crotch are neither a "cover up" nor flattering. They call attention to the widest part of her thighs, and that will make her angry.
4. Now pay close attention, because this applies to women of all sizes: Polka dots are cute, but they should NEVER, EVER, be centered over a nipple area.
Thank you.
Random Musings...
I've been a little slow to post lately, mostly because a lot of the things I think about have very little to do with being a mom. Shocking, I know.
I debated starting another blog to cover my random musings, but decided instead to broaden the horizons of this one.
SO...without further ado, please enjoy the contents of my brain.
I debated starting another blog to cover my random musings, but decided instead to broaden the horizons of this one.
SO...without further ado, please enjoy the contents of my brain.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Finding ME Time.
I didn’t appreciate all the ‘free’ time I had in the days that I worked outside the home, until I no longer had that time. I used to use my commute to make mental lists, relax after a stressful day, and catch up on phone calls. Now, I spend my travel time singing silly songs, or playing the Tatiman’s ‘call & response’ game. (Him: Da. Me: DaDy. Him: DaDo. Me: MOM. Him: Dada…giggle giggle giggle). I used to be able to run out in between client meetings to drop off dry cleaning, or pickup a few groceries. Now, anywhere I go, the Tatiman (and his diaper bag, sippy cup, puff bowl and assorted toys) goes too.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in love with my current job. I get to wake up to the Tatiman’s babbling, cook and feed him nutritious foods, play games, take hikes, and spend time with other mommy friends. I really have zero complaints. But I have started to feel like I just need a minute to think, without babbling in the background. Or five minutes to make a list of things I want to accomplish, before it is the end of the day and I’m too exhausted to think. Or, most importantly, time to workout (and shower afterwards!) to start getting rid of those pounds I gained eating lunch out every day!!
I discussed my need with DH, and we came up with 2 options: (1) Taking the Tatiman back to daycare (or hiring a sitter) a few days a week, and (2) Getting up at the crack of dawn to get some time to myself.
We’ve settled on a hybrid approach. I hate the idea of sending the Tatiman to daycare. I think it is ridiculous for him to spend a day with somebody else when my job is to take care of him. On the other hand, one of his little buddies goes to the person who cared for the Tati while I was working—so the two of them can have a great time toddling together. The Tatiman is going to go have a “mommy free play day” (as I like to think of it) about once a week. The other days, I’m going to get up at 5:30. I got up that early all through law school to get in my workout and have some quiet time before my high stress days, and I actually think I function better when I get up and get going.
Hmmmm…so now I’ve done everything I planned to accomplish this morning, including writing this post. And, the Tatiman is still sleeping…I’m not sure what to do with myself! Any ideas?
Monday, May 25, 2009
STAY-cation = Total Relaxation
Now that your burgers are done grilling, and your pool towels are going through their first of many washer-dryer cycles of the season--I'd like to share our first experience with the increasingly popular "Staycation".
For those of you not in-the-know, a staycation is a vacation where you don't go anywhere--that is, you stay right at home, but act like you are somewhere luxurious. At first glance, it doesn't sound too exciting, right? Au contraire, mon fraire. A staycation is a wonderful excuse to play tourist in your own town, visit all those places that you drive by on a daily basis, discover new places to explore, and eat out as often as you like--all while saving a few bucks, a lot of stress, travel time, and contributing to your local economy. Fabulous--ya see!!
We happen to live in a resort town, although we often scoff at the idea. It is a sleepy little rural town about 3 miles from an island that is mostly famous for its Tiki Bar. The upside is that we are less than 90 minutes from: Baltimore, MD; Annapolis,MD; Washington,DC; and Alexandria, VA. Oh, and the other upside is that if we walk outside our door we are in the woods within walking distance of a lake, the Patuxent River, and the Chesapeake Bay. We can hike, kayak, sail...you name it.
Thanks to DH only working a 4 day week, we got to start our staycation on Friday. We originally planned to head to the National Zoo, but because the weather was sooo gorgeous, we decided the zoo might be too crowded. Since we can go to the zoo whenever we want, we decided to pass--and instead headed up to Annapolis for a little shopping. We headed out during nap time so the Tatiman could sleep in the car. It was a lovely and relaxing day, and we got to take advantage of Memorial Day sales. On our way home we debated where to go for dinner, and settled on a place we have often heard of, but never actually been to. Dinner at the Rod & Reel was actually very tasty, and the price was right. There was a live band playing, so after dinner we ventured outside to dance on the sand. There is nothing sweeter than watching the sky light up in pinks and purples over the Chesapeake Bay, while dancing with your husband and your baby.
Day two, my parents came for a visit. We piled into our car and headed a little bit south to take in Air Expo 09. I had never seen the Blue Angels do their thing, and we thought it was such a great opportunity to be able to do so, so close to home. We hit a traffic snaffu on the way into the airshow, but once we were parked, we got to spend a beautiful day looking at all kinds of airplanes and helicopters, honoring our military veterans, eating fair food (any day with a funnel cake is a great day in my book!), and yes--seeing the Blue Angels up close and personal. It was a ton of fun--and did I mention, entrance to the airshow was FREE. Following the show, we headed onto the island for a yummy fresh-caught seafood dinner. And, we got to take in another beautiful sunset--this one over the Patuxent River.
Day three, DH, the Tatiman, and I needed some exercise! We decided to stay close to home and go for a hike. We went to Calvert Cliffs, popped the Tatiman into the backpack, and hiked the beautiful hike out to the Bay. On our way we saw the landscape change from true woodlands, to wetlands, to marsh, to sand--to beautiful beachfront! We played in the freeezing water, saw a huge black snake, and Tatiman filled every single one of his orifices with sand. After our hike back home we decided we were craving Chinese food, so we went to one of our favorite places and enjoyed.
That brings us to today--we were a little tired after all of our adventures, and decided to play it low key. We hung around the house until after lunch, and then decided to head back to the island for a leisurely stroll. Again, it was great being outside, and nice seeing all of the beautiful waterfront homes' gardens in full bloom. For dinner, we headed to a pizza place that we know and love. And then we came home, snuggled with the Tatiman, and put him to bed.
We spent all day, every day, as a family. We spent less than 5 hours, total, traveling (it would have been less than 3 hours except for the unexpected Air Expo traffic!). We got to sleep in the comfort of our own home every night. We didn't have to pack (and unpack) a suitcase. We spent very little money--just for meals. We didn't have to do any dishes.
I feel more rested today than I have in as long as I can remember, and DH agrees. And, we have a weekend full of wonderful memories.
Staycations are here to stay!
For those of you not in-the-know, a staycation is a vacation where you don't go anywhere--that is, you stay right at home, but act like you are somewhere luxurious. At first glance, it doesn't sound too exciting, right? Au contraire, mon fraire. A staycation is a wonderful excuse to play tourist in your own town, visit all those places that you drive by on a daily basis, discover new places to explore, and eat out as often as you like--all while saving a few bucks, a lot of stress, travel time, and contributing to your local economy. Fabulous--ya see!!
We happen to live in a resort town, although we often scoff at the idea. It is a sleepy little rural town about 3 miles from an island that is mostly famous for its Tiki Bar. The upside is that we are less than 90 minutes from: Baltimore, MD; Annapolis,MD; Washington,DC; and Alexandria, VA. Oh, and the other upside is that if we walk outside our door we are in the woods within walking distance of a lake, the Patuxent River, and the Chesapeake Bay. We can hike, kayak, sail...you name it.
Thanks to DH only working a 4 day week, we got to start our staycation on Friday. We originally planned to head to the National Zoo, but because the weather was sooo gorgeous, we decided the zoo might be too crowded. Since we can go to the zoo whenever we want, we decided to pass--and instead headed up to Annapolis for a little shopping. We headed out during nap time so the Tatiman could sleep in the car. It was a lovely and relaxing day, and we got to take advantage of Memorial Day sales. On our way home we debated where to go for dinner, and settled on a place we have often heard of, but never actually been to. Dinner at the Rod & Reel was actually very tasty, and the price was right. There was a live band playing, so after dinner we ventured outside to dance on the sand. There is nothing sweeter than watching the sky light up in pinks and purples over the Chesapeake Bay, while dancing with your husband and your baby.
Day two, my parents came for a visit. We piled into our car and headed a little bit south to take in Air Expo 09. I had never seen the Blue Angels do their thing, and we thought it was such a great opportunity to be able to do so, so close to home. We hit a traffic snaffu on the way into the airshow, but once we were parked, we got to spend a beautiful day looking at all kinds of airplanes and helicopters, honoring our military veterans, eating fair food (any day with a funnel cake is a great day in my book!), and yes--seeing the Blue Angels up close and personal. It was a ton of fun--and did I mention, entrance to the airshow was FREE. Following the show, we headed onto the island for a yummy fresh-caught seafood dinner. And, we got to take in another beautiful sunset--this one over the Patuxent River.
Day three, DH, the Tatiman, and I needed some exercise! We decided to stay close to home and go for a hike. We went to Calvert Cliffs, popped the Tatiman into the backpack, and hiked the beautiful hike out to the Bay. On our way we saw the landscape change from true woodlands, to wetlands, to marsh, to sand--to beautiful beachfront! We played in the freeezing water, saw a huge black snake, and Tatiman filled every single one of his orifices with sand. After our hike back home we decided we were craving Chinese food, so we went to one of our favorite places and enjoyed.
That brings us to today--we were a little tired after all of our adventures, and decided to play it low key. We hung around the house until after lunch, and then decided to head back to the island for a leisurely stroll. Again, it was great being outside, and nice seeing all of the beautiful waterfront homes' gardens in full bloom. For dinner, we headed to a pizza place that we know and love. And then we came home, snuggled with the Tatiman, and put him to bed.
We spent all day, every day, as a family. We spent less than 5 hours, total, traveling (it would have been less than 3 hours except for the unexpected Air Expo traffic!). We got to sleep in the comfort of our own home every night. We didn't have to pack (and unpack) a suitcase. We spent very little money--just for meals. We didn't have to do any dishes.
I feel more rested today than I have in as long as I can remember, and DH agrees. And, we have a weekend full of wonderful memories.
Staycations are here to stay!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Advice for New Moms...NOT as seen on Today
I admit, the Today Show is my primary news source these days. A few weeks ago, they had a segment featuring two of the show's producers (Mary Ann Zoellner and Alicia Ybarbo) that have written a book about parenting.
Good idea, I thought. I'll add that book to my list of books to review, I thought.
Then, my May issue of Cookie Magazine included an interview with the book's authors. The last question of the interview goes like this:
Cookie Mag: Any essential new-mom advice you turned up that might never occur to most women?
MAZ: Get pajamas you can answer the door in
AY: Yes, ditch the old baggy sweats and get some nice, stretchy, comfy yoga pants--anything with Lycra. A simple cotton frock is great, too.
MAZ: You'll get your picture taken a lot in those first weeks. You'll feel much better about it if you look good.
REALLY??? I mean, REALLY??!?! Is that the "essential" advice they have to give new moms? These are successful, educated, professional women...and that is what they view as most important in those precious few weeks. Sad. Really. I feel bad for them.
So, here is *my* advice for new moms. Things I wish somebody had told me as I embarked on this journey.
1. If you plan to breastfeed, find a lactation consultant before you deliver your baby, and have her on speed dial. I struggled with nursing soooo much in those early weeks. Partly because we had some major issues, but also because I felt like it was supposed to be "natural" and "beautiful" and "easy"--and it was none of those things for us. None.of.them. Having a lc on hand from day 1 could have saved alot of heartache, and a lot of tissues.
2. Find a support group. It can be a group of friends that are already moms, some family members, neighbors, or complete strangers--but you will need people to reassure you that your child is normal, that you will survive, and that you are a wonderful mommy (even when you have to put your crying baby down so you can pee). Again, if you can line these people up before your water breaks, they will be there in those early days when you really, really need them. If not--make your first weekly outing to some place where you are likely to meet people that will become your support group.
3. Have a food plan. Two things are true of those early weeks. (1) You need to eat, and (2) You will forget to eat. Make sure your freezer and fridge are stocked with easy to prepare food. You will feel better if you have some nutritious food in you. You will not have time or energy to make a 3 course meal. It is amazing what a handful of almonds and a string cheese can do for your outlook on life. Eat something (and drink water) every time the baby eats. Make this a priority.
4. Have a shower plan. You will be stinky. Most women sweat profusely in those early weeks. You will also have at least one, if not all, of the following on you: Pee, poop, vomit, breastmilk, tears, dribbled formula, other bodily fluids. It happens to the cleanest of us. Just like food can change your outlook on life--a shower will change your outlook on the day. It will give you 10 minutes to think (or sob) to yourself. It will relax all of your muscles. And, you will come out feeling like a human being. Trust me. Shower--it does a body good.
5. Don't give a (*^% about your appearance. I mean, if you are a person who cannot feel good about themselves without ironed jeans and freshened makeup--you can do that, I guess. But seriously, your newborn is only going to be a newborn for a few very, very short weeks. Forget about how you look, and focus on what is really important--getting to know this new person. If you want some beautiful family photos--pick a day, take a shower, blow dry your hair, put on makeup, and have a photographer come take pictures. We did this, and I cherish those pics. But seriously, on a daily basis--make sure you and your baby are comfortable, happy, healthy, well fed, rested, and bonding...and then pat yourself on the backand feel great about yourself for getting that much together.
Good idea, I thought. I'll add that book to my list of books to review, I thought.
Then, my May issue of Cookie Magazine included an interview with the book's authors. The last question of the interview goes like this:
Cookie Mag: Any essential new-mom advice you turned up that might never occur to most women?
MAZ: Get pajamas you can answer the door in
AY: Yes, ditch the old baggy sweats and get some nice, stretchy, comfy yoga pants--anything with Lycra. A simple cotton frock is great, too.
MAZ: You'll get your picture taken a lot in those first weeks. You'll feel much better about it if you look good.
REALLY??? I mean, REALLY??!?! Is that the "essential" advice they have to give new moms? These are successful, educated, professional women...and that is what they view as most important in those precious few weeks. Sad. Really. I feel bad for them.
So, here is *my* advice for new moms. Things I wish somebody had told me as I embarked on this journey.
1. If you plan to breastfeed, find a lactation consultant before you deliver your baby, and have her on speed dial. I struggled with nursing soooo much in those early weeks. Partly because we had some major issues, but also because I felt like it was supposed to be "natural" and "beautiful" and "easy"--and it was none of those things for us. None.of.them. Having a lc on hand from day 1 could have saved alot of heartache, and a lot of tissues.
2. Find a support group. It can be a group of friends that are already moms, some family members, neighbors, or complete strangers--but you will need people to reassure you that your child is normal, that you will survive, and that you are a wonderful mommy (even when you have to put your crying baby down so you can pee). Again, if you can line these people up before your water breaks, they will be there in those early days when you really, really need them. If not--make your first weekly outing to some place where you are likely to meet people that will become your support group.
3. Have a food plan. Two things are true of those early weeks. (1) You need to eat, and (2) You will forget to eat. Make sure your freezer and fridge are stocked with easy to prepare food. You will feel better if you have some nutritious food in you. You will not have time or energy to make a 3 course meal. It is amazing what a handful of almonds and a string cheese can do for your outlook on life. Eat something (and drink water) every time the baby eats. Make this a priority.
4. Have a shower plan. You will be stinky. Most women sweat profusely in those early weeks. You will also have at least one, if not all, of the following on you: Pee, poop, vomit, breastmilk, tears, dribbled formula, other bodily fluids. It happens to the cleanest of us. Just like food can change your outlook on life--a shower will change your outlook on the day. It will give you 10 minutes to think (or sob) to yourself. It will relax all of your muscles. And, you will come out feeling like a human being. Trust me. Shower--it does a body good.
5. Don't give a (*^% about your appearance. I mean, if you are a person who cannot feel good about themselves without ironed jeans and freshened makeup--you can do that, I guess. But seriously, your newborn is only going to be a newborn for a few very, very short weeks. Forget about how you look, and focus on what is really important--getting to know this new person. If you want some beautiful family photos--pick a day, take a shower, blow dry your hair, put on makeup, and have a photographer come take pictures. We did this, and I cherish those pics. But seriously, on a daily basis--make sure you and your baby are comfortable, happy, healthy, well fed, rested, and bonding...and then pat yourself on the backand feel great about yourself for getting that much together.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Signs, signs, everywhere signs.
The Tatiman knows sign language. I do not.
He is picking it up somewhere. Where, I don't know, because last I checked he spends every waking hour with me. I did attempt to teach him a few signs when he was around 6 months old, but I gave up after a few days when he wasn't signing and I kept forgetting to show him the signs. Then, about three weeks ago, out of nowhere he started doing those few signs I 'taught' him...and adding his own. It cracks me and DH up because the Tati is clearly trying to tell us something, the same thing, over and over again. Maybe, one day, we will figure it out.
This afternoon I was changing the Tati's post-nap diaper, and he gave me the sign for "more." "More" is usually reserved for mealtimes, when I cannot shovel the food into the Tatiman's face as fast as his highness would desire. We do not keep snacks on the changing table, and Tati knows this. So, I asked Tati "More what?" and he signed "more" again. I said "More kisses?" and gave him a smackeroo on the cheek. He smiled, and signed "more" again. I kissed him again. He giggled...and signed "more" again. Kiss. "More" Kiss *shriek of laughter* "More" Kiss....this went on for a good five minutes. And then, I got the "all done" sign...and with that the Tatiman was off to pull every book he owns off the shelf.
Could I be any luckier? My job is the best in the world. Now, off to study a baby signs book....
He is picking it up somewhere. Where, I don't know, because last I checked he spends every waking hour with me. I did attempt to teach him a few signs when he was around 6 months old, but I gave up after a few days when he wasn't signing and I kept forgetting to show him the signs. Then, about three weeks ago, out of nowhere he started doing those few signs I 'taught' him...and adding his own. It cracks me and DH up because the Tati is clearly trying to tell us something, the same thing, over and over again. Maybe, one day, we will figure it out.
This afternoon I was changing the Tati's post-nap diaper, and he gave me the sign for "more." "More" is usually reserved for mealtimes, when I cannot shovel the food into the Tatiman's face as fast as his highness would desire. We do not keep snacks on the changing table, and Tati knows this. So, I asked Tati "More what?" and he signed "more" again. I said "More kisses?" and gave him a smackeroo on the cheek. He smiled, and signed "more" again. I kissed him again. He giggled...and signed "more" again. Kiss. "More" Kiss *shriek of laughter* "More" Kiss....this went on for a good five minutes. And then, I got the "all done" sign...and with that the Tatiman was off to pull every book he owns off the shelf.
Could I be any luckier? My job is the best in the world. Now, off to study a baby signs book....
Friday, May 15, 2009
Book Review: Millionaire Women Next Door
Millionaire Women Next Door, The Many Journeys of Successful American Businesswomen, by Thomas J. Stanley (author of NY Times Best-Seller The Millionaire Next Door).
To be fair, I did not want to read this book. I wanted to read The Millionaire Next Door. I went to Borders to buy it, and then I decided that my first step toward becoming a millionaire was not to waste my money on a book I could get from the library. When I went to the library, they didn't have The Millionaire Next Door, but they did have this book. Last I checked, I'm a woman, so I thought this book would be relevant enough.
To be fair again, I did not read the entire book. Here is why: On page 6, there is a section entitled "Be Wary". Mr. Stanley writes, "Before you sign that 'unwritten contract of a lifetime' to be a housewife, read Chapter 10 'The High Price of Being Controlled'" RUH ROH. Before my blood hit the boiling point, I took a deep breath and fast forwarded (or, in 'reading terms' flipped pages) to Chapter 10.
Chapter 10. Precious Chapter 10. In a nutshell, Chapter 10 discusses why it is a huge mistake to marry a man that you expect to (a) work in his family's business and/or (b) inherit a large sum of money--and all the lies he will tell you in order to make you hopelessly dependent on him, and all the reasons why that is a bad idea. If you need the advice that Chapter 10 gives you, you need a whole lot more advice. Maybe you should read the rest of this book.
I, for one, was done. I have a 9 month old toddler to worry about, and I don't have time to read this drivel. I did not marry a man who I expect to takeover his non-existent family business, nor am I expecting a windfall inheritance (although a lottery win wouldn't hurt). I skimmed through the book a little bit more to see if I could find some value (and, considering I don't even have to pay late fines...a little value should go a long way).
I did find one paragraph worthy of reading. In Chapter 4 "Opting for Self Employment", Mr. Stanley describes the traits that successful, self-employed, women have in common. "They are self determined. They make their own job opportunities. They write their own job descriptions. They do their own job evaluations. Their efforts are justly rewarded by the objective realities of the market and its consumers, their clients and customers"
That sounds like me. I am self-determined. I am determined to give my son the best I have to offer. I created this opportunity. I picked a husband who I knew would support me in two very separate journeys--one to reach self fulfillment through an education and career, and the other to be a stay at home mom to our children. I wrote this job description. I decided I wanted to teach the Tatiman to love the outdoors by spending time there each day, to cook him organic home made food, to sing him to sleep three times a day. I do my own evaluations. I review each day before I go to bed at night. I think about how I can be a better mom the next day, a better wife, and better to myself. And, I give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it--I may even toot my own horn to DH when he gets home. Most of all, I am rewarded daily. I am rewarded when a stranger approaches me at a restaurant (in front of my own parents, no less) to tell me how impressed they are with my son's behavior. I am rewarded when I find the secret tickle spot and hear belly shaking laughter. I'm rewarded when my husband thanks me for giving our son all I have to give every day.
Mr. Stanley neglected to mention something that successful women do, which I think could actually be of value. They make their own financial decisions. I set my own salary. I think every woman who stays at home with their children should do the same.You can't become a millionaire without money, duh. Kisses and hugs are great for the soul, but they don't buy mama prime shares. Have I mentioned that I specialized in Divorce Law? I never expect to need my own services, but I'm also not naive. I (and every other woman who does not have her own 'income') needs to have her own money, her own budget, her own savings, and her own investments. And, along with her husband, they can work as a team to devise the best strategy for meeting their financial (and other) goals. Would it have been that difficult for Mr. Stanley to include this advice in blasted Chapter 10?
So, Mr. Stanley. I think you missed the mark with this book. You ignored an entire class of business women in this country--those who run a real family business--by staying at home, managing their household, preparing the next generation of achievers. We are out here, and we are fully in control.
To be fair, I did not want to read this book. I wanted to read The Millionaire Next Door. I went to Borders to buy it, and then I decided that my first step toward becoming a millionaire was not to waste my money on a book I could get from the library. When I went to the library, they didn't have The Millionaire Next Door, but they did have this book. Last I checked, I'm a woman, so I thought this book would be relevant enough.
To be fair again, I did not read the entire book. Here is why: On page 6, there is a section entitled "Be Wary". Mr. Stanley writes, "Before you sign that 'unwritten contract of a lifetime' to be a housewife, read Chapter 10 'The High Price of Being Controlled'" RUH ROH. Before my blood hit the boiling point, I took a deep breath and fast forwarded (or, in 'reading terms' flipped pages) to Chapter 10.
Chapter 10. Precious Chapter 10. In a nutshell, Chapter 10 discusses why it is a huge mistake to marry a man that you expect to (a) work in his family's business and/or (b) inherit a large sum of money--and all the lies he will tell you in order to make you hopelessly dependent on him, and all the reasons why that is a bad idea. If you need the advice that Chapter 10 gives you, you need a whole lot more advice. Maybe you should read the rest of this book.
I, for one, was done. I have a 9 month old toddler to worry about, and I don't have time to read this drivel. I did not marry a man who I expect to takeover his non-existent family business, nor am I expecting a windfall inheritance (although a lottery win wouldn't hurt). I skimmed through the book a little bit more to see if I could find some value (and, considering I don't even have to pay late fines...a little value should go a long way).
I did find one paragraph worthy of reading. In Chapter 4 "Opting for Self Employment", Mr. Stanley describes the traits that successful, self-employed, women have in common. "They are self determined. They make their own job opportunities. They write their own job descriptions. They do their own job evaluations. Their efforts are justly rewarded by the objective realities of the market and its consumers, their clients and customers"
That sounds like me. I am self-determined. I am determined to give my son the best I have to offer. I created this opportunity. I picked a husband who I knew would support me in two very separate journeys--one to reach self fulfillment through an education and career, and the other to be a stay at home mom to our children. I wrote this job description. I decided I wanted to teach the Tatiman to love the outdoors by spending time there each day, to cook him organic home made food, to sing him to sleep three times a day. I do my own evaluations. I review each day before I go to bed at night. I think about how I can be a better mom the next day, a better wife, and better to myself. And, I give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it--I may even toot my own horn to DH when he gets home. Most of all, I am rewarded daily. I am rewarded when a stranger approaches me at a restaurant (in front of my own parents, no less) to tell me how impressed they are with my son's behavior. I am rewarded when I find the secret tickle spot and hear belly shaking laughter. I'm rewarded when my husband thanks me for giving our son all I have to give every day.
Mr. Stanley neglected to mention something that successful women do, which I think could actually be of value. They make their own financial decisions. I set my own salary. I think every woman who stays at home with their children should do the same.You can't become a millionaire without money, duh. Kisses and hugs are great for the soul, but they don't buy mama prime shares. Have I mentioned that I specialized in Divorce Law? I never expect to need my own services, but I'm also not naive. I (and every other woman who does not have her own 'income') needs to have her own money, her own budget, her own savings, and her own investments. And, along with her husband, they can work as a team to devise the best strategy for meeting their financial (and other) goals. Would it have been that difficult for Mr. Stanley to include this advice in blasted Chapter 10?
So, Mr. Stanley. I think you missed the mark with this book. You ignored an entire class of business women in this country--those who run a real family business--by staying at home, managing their household, preparing the next generation of achievers. We are out here, and we are fully in control.
Book Reviews...coming soon to a blog near you!
Those who know me would use many words to describe me. "Reader" is not one of them. I certainly can read, and there was a time in my life that I was a voracious reader...but that was before college and law school. Being forced to read upwards of 200 pages of technical material each night ruined me. I've never had the desire to join a book club. I've never asked a friend if I could borrow the current-book-that-turns-people-into-lemmings. I've never even gone to see the movies based on popular books just so I could participate in part of the book-lovers discussions.
So why, you may be asking, am I doing book reviews? Well, suddenly, I am finding that there are books I want to read. And when I read, I think. And when I think, I want to discuss. And when I want to discuss...my DH doesn't always want to listen (ha!). So...I decided to review what I read here. Please feel free to jump in with comments and suggestions.
So why, you may be asking, am I doing book reviews? Well, suddenly, I am finding that there are books I want to read. And when I read, I think. And when I think, I want to discuss. And when I want to discuss...my DH doesn't always want to listen (ha!). So...I decided to review what I read here. Please feel free to jump in with comments and suggestions.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day!!
Today, I celebrated my first official Mother's Day. Last year at this time I was seven months pregnant, and had just stopped vomiting. My DH gave me a card last year, that brought me to tears, because it talked about all of the adventures we had ahead of us.
This year, I am living that adventure.
My Mother's Day started out like any other day. DH brought the Tatiman into bed for his morning nursing, and I snuggled in tight to catch a few more ZZZs. As I was drifting off to sleep, I started thinking about how lucky I am, to have this little person who came into my life and gave me the greatest gift--motherhood. I have been a whole lot of things in my life without the Tati-- a wife, a lawyer, a marathon runner, a world traveler--but he is the ONLY person who could make me a mom. Just as I was feeling so warm with that thought WHAM...pain like I had never felt. Yes, the Tatiman chose that tender and endearing moment to do the one thing I had been dreading since the appearance of two bottom teeth last week--he used those razor sharp new teeth to bite down, eliciting a pain like none before.
Such is the (true) life of a mother. Nobody in this world can bring me more joy (with his smiles, his belly laugh, or his daily accomplishments) or more pain (see above...or see any time his little eyes well up with tears, or he is sick) than my son. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.
So..to my Tatiman...Thank You* for making this first "official"** Mother's Day such a wonderful day. I look forward to a lifetime of adventures with you.
*By "You" I also mean to thank DH, who gave me the three things I wanted most on this day. (1) Sleeping in (2) A walk without a stroller in tow and (3) a certificate for a day at the spa.
** I know I am truly a mother because I feel that guilt that only a mother has. The truth is, I have celebrated Mother's Day for the past 6 years. Each year, I received a card from my beloved golden retriever, Du. After writing this whole post, and thinking all day about how Tati made me a mom...I now feel guilty--I don't want Du to feel like he didn't make me a mom. So--to Du--thank you for priming me for motherhood of a 2 legged son. And thank you for sharing in my stroller-free walk today.
This year, I am living that adventure.
My Mother's Day started out like any other day. DH brought the Tatiman into bed for his morning nursing, and I snuggled in tight to catch a few more ZZZs. As I was drifting off to sleep, I started thinking about how lucky I am, to have this little person who came into my life and gave me the greatest gift--motherhood. I have been a whole lot of things in my life without the Tati-- a wife, a lawyer, a marathon runner, a world traveler--but he is the ONLY person who could make me a mom. Just as I was feeling so warm with that thought WHAM...pain like I had never felt. Yes, the Tatiman chose that tender and endearing moment to do the one thing I had been dreading since the appearance of two bottom teeth last week--he used those razor sharp new teeth to bite down, eliciting a pain like none before.
Such is the (true) life of a mother. Nobody in this world can bring me more joy (with his smiles, his belly laugh, or his daily accomplishments) or more pain (see above...or see any time his little eyes well up with tears, or he is sick) than my son. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.
So..to my Tatiman...Thank You* for making this first "official"** Mother's Day such a wonderful day. I look forward to a lifetime of adventures with you.
*By "You" I also mean to thank DH, who gave me the three things I wanted most on this day. (1) Sleeping in (2) A walk without a stroller in tow and (3) a certificate for a day at the spa.
** I know I am truly a mother because I feel that guilt that only a mother has. The truth is, I have celebrated Mother's Day for the past 6 years. Each year, I received a card from my beloved golden retriever, Du. After writing this whole post, and thinking all day about how Tati made me a mom...I now feel guilty--I don't want Du to feel like he didn't make me a mom. So--to Du--thank you for priming me for motherhood of a 2 legged son. And thank you for sharing in my stroller-free walk today.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Something to Talk About
One of my biggest concerns about becoming a SAHM was that I wouldn’t have anything to talk about anymore. I mean, *I* think my kid is cute, but even I don’t want to hear myself repeat the play-by-play of his life each day (“Well, he woke up at 6am…nursed…ate…played…napped…”and repeat). Plus, as an attorney (have I mentioned that Divorce was my primary practice area?), I saw countless marriages fall apart because the parties no longer had anything to talk about. I didn’t want to become boring to my husband, my friends, or myself.
Recently DH and I spent our first weekend away from the Tati-man. We cashed in a gift certificate and stayed in this swanky B&B near Gettysburg. I’ve heard of people that make it a “rule” not to speak about their children when they go out on dates. I, personally, find that ridiculous. On the three hour drive to Taneytown we talked about Tati, about how we both missed him, but were excited to have some time together without worrying about his schedule. We talked about how we would like to handle some issues we foresee in the near future (babyproofing, discipline)…and then we let our conversation naturally flow to other things. Yes, DH talked about his job. Yes, I talked about some of the things that have happened during playgroup. And then something magical happened. We decided to take a Segway tour of the Gettysburg battlefields.
We hadn’t been to Gettysburg since we were kids, and neither of us had ever been on a Segway. As we approached the place where we would pickup the tour, we were nervous and excited. We signed away our lives on their liability waiver, and then suited up with our helmets and headsets. Then, we cheered each other on as we learned to use the little zooming machines—the trick is to not think about balancing, which of course makes you think, exclusively, about balancing. Once skilled in maneuvering, we spent nearly 3 hours Segwaying around, learning all about the battles at Gettysburg—the politics, the soldiers, the surprise attacks—and then it was over. We hopped off our Segways, got our ‘street feet’ back, and continued on our merry way.
That night, at our fabulous 6 course dinner, we both wondered aloud “What do you think would have been different if ‘x’ happened” and “Can you imagine the sight of 23,000 soldiers coming over that hill”…not once did we mention Tati, or DH’s job for that matter, and not even once was there a lull in the conversation.
My point is…just because you cease to work outside you home does not mean you cease to have a life outside of your home. I did not marry DH (or make any of my friends) because we loved to talk about our careers. Just because I no longer have a “career” doesn’t mean that I no longer have things to talk about. Maybe I have to work a little bit harder to make sure I don’t get stuck in the rut of being a mom before I am a person. But so long as I remember that I am a person, with interests and hobbies and dreams…I will never run out of things to say.
Recently DH and I spent our first weekend away from the Tati-man. We cashed in a gift certificate and stayed in this swanky B&B near Gettysburg. I’ve heard of people that make it a “rule” not to speak about their children when they go out on dates. I, personally, find that ridiculous. On the three hour drive to Taneytown we talked about Tati, about how we both missed him, but were excited to have some time together without worrying about his schedule. We talked about how we would like to handle some issues we foresee in the near future (babyproofing, discipline)…and then we let our conversation naturally flow to other things. Yes, DH talked about his job. Yes, I talked about some of the things that have happened during playgroup. And then something magical happened. We decided to take a Segway tour of the Gettysburg battlefields.
We hadn’t been to Gettysburg since we were kids, and neither of us had ever been on a Segway. As we approached the place where we would pickup the tour, we were nervous and excited. We signed away our lives on their liability waiver, and then suited up with our helmets and headsets. Then, we cheered each other on as we learned to use the little zooming machines—the trick is to not think about balancing, which of course makes you think, exclusively, about balancing. Once skilled in maneuvering, we spent nearly 3 hours Segwaying around, learning all about the battles at Gettysburg—the politics, the soldiers, the surprise attacks—and then it was over. We hopped off our Segways, got our ‘street feet’ back, and continued on our merry way.
That night, at our fabulous 6 course dinner, we both wondered aloud “What do you think would have been different if ‘x’ happened” and “Can you imagine the sight of 23,000 soldiers coming over that hill”…not once did we mention Tati, or DH’s job for that matter, and not even once was there a lull in the conversation.
My point is…just because you cease to work outside you home does not mean you cease to have a life outside of your home. I did not marry DH (or make any of my friends) because we loved to talk about our careers. Just because I no longer have a “career” doesn’t mean that I no longer have things to talk about. Maybe I have to work a little bit harder to make sure I don’t get stuck in the rut of being a mom before I am a person. But so long as I remember that I am a person, with interests and hobbies and dreams…I will never run out of things to say.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Life is too unpredictable to live by a schedule...or is it?
When I was an attorney (hee hee hee…I love that I can say that in the past tense), I lived by my Outlook task manager. EVERYTHING went into it. Breakfast meetings, client meetings, networking meetings, trial preparations, trials, mediations, vacations, doctors appointments, birthdays…you name it, it was on my calendar. And, since I was either glued to my computer or glued to my phone…I was never more than a click away from knowing exactly what I should be doing at any given second.
I’m no longer glued to my computer, and I can rarely find my cell phone in the bottom of the diaper bag, and here is the big AND…I didn’t even know WHAT I was supposed to be doing with my time. It was freeing and terrifying. And the only person I have to report to drools a lot, and falls asleep in the middle of conversations (hmmm, that doesn’t sound too different from my former boss—just kidding, I worked for an amazing team, and none of them drooled).
In the 10 weeks that I went back to work after having Tati, our house really took a beating. We did a lot of running around from here to there, and making piles of this and that to be dealt with at some other time. I knew, within about 10 minutes of waking up on my first day as a SAHM, that I could not do my job the way I wanted, in a house that was as unorganized, and quite frankly, messy from neglect, as ours.
Enter the Motivated Moms Chore Planning System http://www.motivatedmoms.com. I got tipped off to this glorified chore chart from my mommy board friends. For the paltry sum of $8.00, I have a checklist for becoming June Cleaver. Each night before bed, I look at what I have to accomplish the next day, and each morning I get up and plan my day around my tasks. I get the same mini rush when I check off “cleaned top shelf of fridge” as I used to get when I crossed out “return call to opposing counsel”—only I don’t have any heartburn for the hour before I clean the shelf. Best of all, I don’t feel overwhelmed about all I need to do to get my house into shape. I have a plan, and I can already see the progress.
My favorite chore is, of course “pampering myself”. Hey, if the chore chart says I have to, I have to!!
I’m no longer glued to my computer, and I can rarely find my cell phone in the bottom of the diaper bag, and here is the big AND…I didn’t even know WHAT I was supposed to be doing with my time. It was freeing and terrifying. And the only person I have to report to drools a lot, and falls asleep in the middle of conversations (hmmm, that doesn’t sound too different from my former boss—just kidding, I worked for an amazing team, and none of them drooled).
In the 10 weeks that I went back to work after having Tati, our house really took a beating. We did a lot of running around from here to there, and making piles of this and that to be dealt with at some other time. I knew, within about 10 minutes of waking up on my first day as a SAHM, that I could not do my job the way I wanted, in a house that was as unorganized, and quite frankly, messy from neglect, as ours.
Enter the Motivated Moms Chore Planning System http://www.motivatedmoms.com. I got tipped off to this glorified chore chart from my mommy board friends. For the paltry sum of $8.00, I have a checklist for becoming June Cleaver. Each night before bed, I look at what I have to accomplish the next day, and each morning I get up and plan my day around my tasks. I get the same mini rush when I check off “cleaned top shelf of fridge” as I used to get when I crossed out “return call to opposing counsel”—only I don’t have any heartburn for the hour before I clean the shelf. Best of all, I don’t feel overwhelmed about all I need to do to get my house into shape. I have a plan, and I can already see the progress.
My favorite chore is, of course “pampering myself”. Hey, if the chore chart says I have to, I have to!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Simply the Best
This morning, while I was feeding the Tati-man breakfast (plums and oatmeal, in case you were wondering), I heard the voices on the Today show (the TV was left on in another room) saying that the next segment would feature “Dr. Laura” and advice for transitioning from the workplace to being a SAHM. Dr. Laura (Schlessinger) was on the show this morning to tout her new book, “In Praise of Stay-at-Home-Moms” http://www.drlaura.com/main/
I perked up, ran into the room, and watched. Now that the Tati is quietly napping, I can put my thoughts on the segment together.
Dr. Laura started out by saying that being a SAHM is the, “…best gift a woman can give herself, her family, and society”. Ok, I’m with her there, kind of. I suppose now is a time to address the issue that keeps popping up—there is a ‘war’ between employed moms and SAHMS. I do not intend to debate that issue here, but my *personal* opinion is the following: 1. We are ALL working moms. 2. The “best” kind of mom is one that does what she needs to do to meet her own family’s needs. Period.
I feel like being able to stay at home is a wonderful gift. But the best gift a woman can give herself, her family, and society? Nope. There are women out there working every day to cure childhood cancer. That is an amazing gift. There are women teaching children to read—what an incredible lifelong gift. There are women who drive buses so other people can get places they need to go, who cook and serve food that fills tummies, who work in retail, who curate museums, who are astronauts—the list goes on and on. I cannot, for even one second, entertain the thought that the gifts these women are giving to themselves—in the form of self fulfillment, to her family—in the form of income (among other things), and society—in the form of making our world go round—is any less than the gift of being able to stay at home with my son.
Dr. Laura went on to use terms including “denigrated” “not supported” “made to feel stupid”…and that there “isn’t much in society that says what you are doing is wonderful”. Maybe I’ve just been really lucky—I haven’t run into any of this. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. On my last day of work, our firm’s lone female partner (who, herself, was a SAHM, and then worked part time until her kids were in school) made a point to tell me how excited she was for me, and how she knew I wouldn’t regret the decision. Another attorney that I frequently ran up against in the court room sent me a bouquet of flowers with a card saying “Enjoy your new career. You have the best job in the world”. In fact every single person that has made a comment on our decision has made a positive comment.
Maybe times are different from when Dr. Laura decided to become a SAHM. Maybe I’ve just been fortunate to surround myself with people who will support me through anything. One thing is for sure—there is no reason for me, or any SAHM to feel stupid, denigrated, or not supported. If you are feeling that way, come in, pull up a seat, grab yourself a glass of water (I’m trying to up my intake to 64oz a day), and let’s chat.
I perked up, ran into the room, and watched. Now that the Tati is quietly napping, I can put my thoughts on the segment together.
Dr. Laura started out by saying that being a SAHM is the, “…best gift a woman can give herself, her family, and society”. Ok, I’m with her there, kind of. I suppose now is a time to address the issue that keeps popping up—there is a ‘war’ between employed moms and SAHMS. I do not intend to debate that issue here, but my *personal* opinion is the following: 1. We are ALL working moms. 2. The “best” kind of mom is one that does what she needs to do to meet her own family’s needs. Period.
I feel like being able to stay at home is a wonderful gift. But the best gift a woman can give herself, her family, and society? Nope. There are women out there working every day to cure childhood cancer. That is an amazing gift. There are women teaching children to read—what an incredible lifelong gift. There are women who drive buses so other people can get places they need to go, who cook and serve food that fills tummies, who work in retail, who curate museums, who are astronauts—the list goes on and on. I cannot, for even one second, entertain the thought that the gifts these women are giving to themselves—in the form of self fulfillment, to her family—in the form of income (among other things), and society—in the form of making our world go round—is any less than the gift of being able to stay at home with my son.
Dr. Laura went on to use terms including “denigrated” “not supported” “made to feel stupid”…and that there “isn’t much in society that says what you are doing is wonderful”. Maybe I’ve just been really lucky—I haven’t run into any of this. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. On my last day of work, our firm’s lone female partner (who, herself, was a SAHM, and then worked part time until her kids were in school) made a point to tell me how excited she was for me, and how she knew I wouldn’t regret the decision. Another attorney that I frequently ran up against in the court room sent me a bouquet of flowers with a card saying “Enjoy your new career. You have the best job in the world”. In fact every single person that has made a comment on our decision has made a positive comment.
Maybe times are different from when Dr. Laura decided to become a SAHM. Maybe I’ve just been fortunate to surround myself with people who will support me through anything. One thing is for sure—there is no reason for me, or any SAHM to feel stupid, denigrated, or not supported. If you are feeling that way, come in, pull up a seat, grab yourself a glass of water (I’m trying to up my intake to 64oz a day), and let’s chat.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I get by with a little help from my (mommy board) friends.
On the advice of friends, I joined a “mommy board”—an online message board where fellow moms can share tips, tricks, stories, and camaraderie. It is my replacement for the Bar Association. Within days my vocabulary changed from being a BIA (Best Interest Attorney) to SAHM (Stay at home mom). My DH (that’s “dear husband” on a good day, or “dick head” on a bad—FYI) just got used to decoding my attorney acronyms…now he has a whole new language to learn.
I was lucky to have an ‘in’ to an already established mommy board. One of my good friends from law school met these ladies nearly 10 years ago when they were planning their weddings on The Knot. They have supported each other, online, through weddings, divorces, births of children, deaths of children, breastfeeding, solids feeding, sleep issues, sicknesses…and everything in between. It was like walking into a big clique, but being welcomed with open arms. Where else can I run when its 2am, and I’m up because my kid has just pooped so hard it shot out of his diaper and into his hair? AND find somebody who has experienced the same thing? It has truly been a godsend. And, it has given me the courage to do something else—make mommy friends IRL (“In Real Life” for those not indoctrinated).
You see, when I left my career, I also left a big piece of myself behind, and it was hard to get out into my new world when I wasn’t even sure what my new identity would be. Would I be a crunchy granola organic mom? A mom who reads ALL the books? A mom who thrives on chaos? My new mommy board friends helped me sort out a lot in those early days—mostly reassuring me that even though I didn’t spend 19 years and over a hundred thousand bucks getting a formal education for my new job, I was prepared to handle it. And, I don’t have to know what kind of mom I will be. Today, I was a “play with Little People on the floor and sing silly songs about stinky poops” kind of mom.
I was lucky to have an ‘in’ to an already established mommy board. One of my good friends from law school met these ladies nearly 10 years ago when they were planning their weddings on The Knot. They have supported each other, online, through weddings, divorces, births of children, deaths of children, breastfeeding, solids feeding, sleep issues, sicknesses…and everything in between. It was like walking into a big clique, but being welcomed with open arms. Where else can I run when its 2am, and I’m up because my kid has just pooped so hard it shot out of his diaper and into his hair? AND find somebody who has experienced the same thing? It has truly been a godsend. And, it has given me the courage to do something else—make mommy friends IRL (“In Real Life” for those not indoctrinated).
You see, when I left my career, I also left a big piece of myself behind, and it was hard to get out into my new world when I wasn’t even sure what my new identity would be. Would I be a crunchy granola organic mom? A mom who reads ALL the books? A mom who thrives on chaos? My new mommy board friends helped me sort out a lot in those early days—mostly reassuring me that even though I didn’t spend 19 years and over a hundred thousand bucks getting a formal education for my new job, I was prepared to handle it. And, I don’t have to know what kind of mom I will be. Today, I was a “play with Little People on the floor and sing silly songs about stinky poops” kind of mom.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
How I Got Here.
I was born to do great things. From the moment I came out, with my rockstar black hair and my constant need for attention, I knew, I would make it big one day.
As a very little girl, I wanted to be a veterinarian—until I learned that some puppies die. That was the end of that. Next up: CEO of Nike. I didn’t even know what a CEO was, but I knew I wanted my decisions to make the nightly news. I wanted to be sporty and glamorous. And rich.
I went to college and majored in business at a top 20 undergrad business school. I started working—as a professional brainstormer (my business cards actually said “Innovator”) while in college, at an international company with over 42,000 employees. Two years after graduating from college I began applying, and was accepted to a number of top 20 law schools. My path to greatness was taking shape.
And then I met my husband. And got cancer. And life changed.
I finished up my 3 years at my top 20 law school. Following law school, I got married, took a job at the number one firm in my new hometown (granted, it was a small barely suburban town---not exactly the high profile NY, LA, or DC firm I had envisioned)—and went to work.
On December 1, 2007, I saw two pink lines on a home pregnancy test. And life changed.
Through most of my pregnancy I was too sick to really dive into work, but I still put on the ever-expanding maternity suits, and went to court. Even though I had to run out of the court room, on more than on occasion, to vomit—I got such a charge out of my job. Winning a case put me on a soaring high. Losing *gasp* brought out even more fire in me. I loved the challenge.
On August 7, 2008, after 44 hours of labor, my son, the Tati-man, was born. And life changed. In ways I NEVER dreamed.
I had fought to get 10 weeks of maternity leave. The most my firm had ever granted before was two. I got 10. I was THAT good at negotiating.
On October 14, 2008 I returned to work. I could not handle dropping my 10 week old son off at a veritable stranger’s house—so I had my husband do it. I did not cry once at work. I focused on my job, refusing to look at the clock, until I noticed everybody else had left the office. Then I went to pick up my son. He was asleep in the arms of someone else (ok, it was our daycare provider, whom we had carefully selected and fully trusted). I took him from our new daycare provider’s arms and the waterworks came. Sure, he was only 10 weeks old and I knew exactly how he had spent his day—mostly sleeping, with 3 bottles, and more sleeping. But in my heart, I felt like I had missed a lifetime.
Fast forward about 10 weeks. I’d gotten used to the routine—although I still didn’t do daycare drop-offs, thanks to my husband. But I did pick my little man up every afternoon—sans tears. It is the week before Christmas. My husband comes home from work one night—and out of nowhere says “I think we would all be happier if you stayed at home full time”
**insert sound of record scratching** WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!??!
Of course I had been thinking it. But saying it was another thing. You don’t get to be the CEO of Nike by staying at home. But…life changes.
So we set about figuring out if staying at home was a real possibility. We did have goals that we didn’t want to sacrifice. We did not live frugally by any stretch of the imagination—we enjoyed eating out and shopping and vacationing. We didn’t want to give it up. Could we really have our cake and eat it too?
Turns out, yes. We thought we could. With a few minor changes (first step—sell our extra car—a BMW—my husband might argue that wasn’t a ‘minor’ change, but in the scheme of things, it was) and a few major changes (notifying my managing partner, out of the blue, on a Tuesday, that I would be quitting)…my adventure as a Professional Stay At Home Mom began.
I have been joking with my Husband that he should throw me a retirement party. He has made two comments (in addition to rolling his eyes, ha!) 1. I’m not retiring; I’m on hiatus, and 2. Being a Stay at Home Mom is probably the most important job in the world.
Touché. And besides…a “Hiatus Party” doesn’t sound nearly as fun.
So with that…I am on my way to a new adventure. One I never imagined I would take, but could not be more excited. I’ve already gotten lots of advice from friends on how I should go about excelling at my new job…and I decided to document the successes and pitfalls here, for anybody who might be following in my shoes one day.
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