I can vividly remember my mother telling me, "Good enough, isn't." She said it when I tried to half-arse a school project, take less-than-enough time to pick out a special gift, or make my bed--barely. Although I can't remember which of her relatives instilled that value in her, I can hear her saying it in my head (when she isn't saying it in person) as I go through my day-to-day tasks.
As I swiftered my kitchen floor today, I caught myself looking at the not-really-sparkling-clean floor, and muttering outloud "It's good enough." But...is it? Yeah, I think so.
Why? Because it's not that important. I clean my floor at least once a week, sometimes 3 or 4 times...and within minutes, it has a mashed blueberry, or a smattering of milkbone crumbs, or (lately) some soup drippings.
I just don't have time to focus on that right now. Yes, I'm a SAHM. Yes, my full time job is to keep my house in order and my son taken care of. Sure, I can always make the time to get down on my hands and knees to scrub the floor...or I can spend that time taking my son to the park, or reading him a story or perfecting our dance moves.
...and anyway, although my floor may not look clean enough to eat off of, if you time it just right, it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Simple Pleasures
I don't write as much as I originally thought I would, because I don't always feel like I have anything interesting to say. But maybe that's the point. Most of my days are filled with simple things that make me, the Tatiman, DH, and the Du (our golden retriever) very happy.
I thought about this yesterday, while the Tatiman and I enjoyed a simple peasant lunch--grilled cheese and soup. Seriously, what could be better than a crisp* fall day with homemade pumpkin bisque and granny smith apples, brie, honey, and fresh homemade** croissants, all gooey and warm from a stint in the panini press.
After lunch, we went down to walk along the boardwalk. We watched countless planes flying overhead, stuck our tootsies in the water, and tried to stand in some other family's photographs (ok, only one of us did that--you decide which).
A perfectly simple day...simply perfect.
*By "crisp" I mean it was like 80 and muggy...WHERE is fall?
**By "homemade" I mean I pulled the croissants, that were made at the Giant and brought for a playdate a month ago, out of the freezer--but I did freshly defrost them.
I thought about this yesterday, while the Tatiman and I enjoyed a simple peasant lunch--grilled cheese and soup. Seriously, what could be better than a crisp* fall day with homemade pumpkin bisque and granny smith apples, brie, honey, and fresh homemade** croissants, all gooey and warm from a stint in the panini press.
After lunch, we went down to walk along the boardwalk. We watched countless planes flying overhead, stuck our tootsies in the water, and tried to stand in some other family's photographs (ok, only one of us did that--you decide which).
A perfectly simple day...simply perfect.
*By "crisp" I mean it was like 80 and muggy...WHERE is fall?
**By "homemade" I mean I pulled the croissants, that were made at the Giant and brought for a playdate a month ago, out of the freezer--but I did freshly defrost them.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Mommies say the Darndest Things.
…sooooo I’ve been slacking a bit on the blog. I’d like to put an optimistic spin on it: I haven’t really been slacking on the blog so much as I’ve been too busy living life. In the past few months we have: flown to Florida, and home. Flown to California, and home. Visited Pennsylvania. Gone to the lake for a week. Spent not-a-single-weekend in over two months at our house. Attended countless playgroups. Started and finished swim lessons. Oh…and started a baking business.
But now I’m back, here to blog for your enjoyment. For those keeping up, the Tatiman is now 13 months old. He has managed to earn himself 3 black eyes and 1 fat lip since he started walking. Now he is running. I’m terrified.
Before I had a kid, I said all kinds of things I never imagined I would say. Many of those things were said after a frosty beverage, or three, but I digress. Now that I am a mommy (or, Daddy, as the Tatiman insists on calling me), I find myself saying all kinds of things I NEVER imagined I would say.
I think I’m going to compile a list, and write a book.
So far on my list:
1. Please don’t lick your shoes.
2. Please don’t put your chopsticks in your poop.
I know its early to contact Houghton Mifflin, but it’s a start.
What have YOU said that made you snicker as it came out?
But now I’m back, here to blog for your enjoyment. For those keeping up, the Tatiman is now 13 months old. He has managed to earn himself 3 black eyes and 1 fat lip since he started walking. Now he is running. I’m terrified.
Before I had a kid, I said all kinds of things I never imagined I would say. Many of those things were said after a frosty beverage, or three, but I digress. Now that I am a mommy (or, Daddy, as the Tatiman insists on calling me), I find myself saying all kinds of things I NEVER imagined I would say.
I think I’m going to compile a list, and write a book.
So far on my list:
1. Please don’t lick your shoes.
2. Please don’t put your chopsticks in your poop.
I know its early to contact Houghton Mifflin, but it’s a start.
What have YOU said that made you snicker as it came out?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Book Review: Comeback Moms
“How to Leave Work, Raise Children, and Restart Your Career Even If You Haven’t Had a Job in Years” by Monica Samuels & J. C. Conklin.
This book should be required reading for anybody contemplating becoming a SAHM. The blurb on the front cover says it all:
Millions of educated, professional women are quitting their jobs to stay home and raise their children…You worked hard for your degree and even harder to get to this point in your career…Once you have a baby, your life changes in ways you’d never imagine. Some of your friends and family members may think you’ve gone a little crazy…
Yes. Yes. And Yes.
Comeback Moms is all about strategy—setting the groundwork for one day (even if that day is 10 years away) re-entering the workforce. It is the only book I’ve come across that seems to suggest that women really can do it all—just not all at one time—and that is a marvelous thing.
A few of my favorite tips:
1. Handle money issues up front. As a former divorce lawyer, I know finances lead to the breakup of many-a-marriage. You are an adult, you should not receive an “allowance.” Set a family budget that meets both of your needs. Discuss splurges before you purchase them—this goes for both of you. Nobody wants to stare at a large screen TV that they resent…or feel guilty wearing a hot pair of pumps.
2. Count your blessings. Really. Millions of women would love to be in your shoes. Yes, raising your children is the hardest job in the world. But just because your husband is going to an office every day does not mean he is not also raising your children. It is hard for both of you—for different reasons—acknowledge that. And then think about how lucky you are to be able to spend these precious times at home.
3. Keep your career title. This one really hit home. I remember the first time I had to fill out a form at the pediatricians after I stopped working…I had no idea what to put in the “occupation” section. People do think differently of you when you are ‘just a mom’. So, don’t be ‘just a mom’—be an ‘attorney/stay-at-home-mom’. Or a ‘consultant’ or a ‘writer’—you still are whatever you were before, just on hiatus. Plus, you never know where that next job opportunity might come from.
4. Remind yourself that you are a smart person. Ahhh, the dreaded cocktail party. Another ‘just a mom’ situation. You are still an adult, and you are entitled to enjoy adult conversation.
5. Keep a foot in the door. If you intend to go back to work—ever—make sure you keep up with contacts. Schedule a lunch date once a month. Volunteer in a place that people in your field are likely to be working. Not only will you enjoy staying in the loop, it will keep fresh in the minds of potential future employers.
6. Use the time at home to prepare for your future career. Seems kind of crazy—but think of your time at home as an opportunity to decide what you really want to be when you grow up. If you loved what you did—the decision is probably easy—go back to it. If you didn’t—you can volunteer in any number of potential future career situations—and decide what your passion may be. It is a luxury, don’t miss out on the chance.
In addition to tips for the already-at-home-mom, Comeback Moms offers advice for preparing to leave your career to stay at home. I only wish I had known about this book before I embarked on this adventure…
This book should be required reading for anybody contemplating becoming a SAHM. The blurb on the front cover says it all:
Millions of educated, professional women are quitting their jobs to stay home and raise their children…You worked hard for your degree and even harder to get to this point in your career…Once you have a baby, your life changes in ways you’d never imagine. Some of your friends and family members may think you’ve gone a little crazy…
Yes. Yes. And Yes.
Comeback Moms is all about strategy—setting the groundwork for one day (even if that day is 10 years away) re-entering the workforce. It is the only book I’ve come across that seems to suggest that women really can do it all—just not all at one time—and that is a marvelous thing.
A few of my favorite tips:
1. Handle money issues up front. As a former divorce lawyer, I know finances lead to the breakup of many-a-marriage. You are an adult, you should not receive an “allowance.” Set a family budget that meets both of your needs. Discuss splurges before you purchase them—this goes for both of you. Nobody wants to stare at a large screen TV that they resent…or feel guilty wearing a hot pair of pumps.
2. Count your blessings. Really. Millions of women would love to be in your shoes. Yes, raising your children is the hardest job in the world. But just because your husband is going to an office every day does not mean he is not also raising your children. It is hard for both of you—for different reasons—acknowledge that. And then think about how lucky you are to be able to spend these precious times at home.
3. Keep your career title. This one really hit home. I remember the first time I had to fill out a form at the pediatricians after I stopped working…I had no idea what to put in the “occupation” section. People do think differently of you when you are ‘just a mom’. So, don’t be ‘just a mom’—be an ‘attorney/stay-at-home-mom’. Or a ‘consultant’ or a ‘writer’—you still are whatever you were before, just on hiatus. Plus, you never know where that next job opportunity might come from.
4. Remind yourself that you are a smart person. Ahhh, the dreaded cocktail party. Another ‘just a mom’ situation. You are still an adult, and you are entitled to enjoy adult conversation.
5. Keep a foot in the door. If you intend to go back to work—ever—make sure you keep up with contacts. Schedule a lunch date once a month. Volunteer in a place that people in your field are likely to be working. Not only will you enjoy staying in the loop, it will keep fresh in the minds of potential future employers.
6. Use the time at home to prepare for your future career. Seems kind of crazy—but think of your time at home as an opportunity to decide what you really want to be when you grow up. If you loved what you did—the decision is probably easy—go back to it. If you didn’t—you can volunteer in any number of potential future career situations—and decide what your passion may be. It is a luxury, don’t miss out on the chance.
In addition to tips for the already-at-home-mom, Comeback Moms offers advice for preparing to leave your career to stay at home. I only wish I had known about this book before I embarked on this adventure…
Monday, July 20, 2009
It's Happening...
Just a few short weeks into my SAHM adventure, I wrote about Dr. Laura, and my thoughts on her Today Show appearance to tout her new book, In Praise of Stay At Home Moms. In that post I said "Dr. Laura went on to use terms including “denigrated” “not supported” “made to feel stupid”…and that there “isn’t much in society that says what you are doing is wonderful”. Maybe I’ve just been really lucky—I haven’t run into any of this. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite... In fact every single person that has made a comment on our decision has made a positive comment."
That was then. This is now.
It's been a wonderfully adventurous summer here in Tatiman-land. Full of challenges for the Tatiman. Learning to walk-Check. Learning to say "please"-Check. Learning to 'baaaa' like a sheep-almost there (Tatiman says 'daaaaa'...like a dyslexic sheep). Full of challenges for the mommy, too. Taking the Tatiman on a cross country flight-Check. Attempting to get back in shape-Check minus. Feeling totally comfortable in my SAHM role-RUH ROH RORGE.
I'll admit it--my pride has had a few dents and dings as of late. The first came while on our trip to California to celebrate my college roommate's birthday. It was my first time meeting new people in a 'professional' (read: non play group) setting. Of course everybody exchanged the usual niceties: "What's your name?" "Where ya from?"...those were easy enough. And then the never before, but now kind of dreaded "What do you do?" Gulp. This group of 30-somethings was filled with high achievers. Consultants. Educators. Executives. Engineers. Computer Geeks. And one lowly SAHM. It was, for sure, a conversation ender. I wanted to scream "...but I used to be an attorney" on more than one occasion. I wanted to stamp "...but I'm still cool to talk to" on my forehead. I wanted...to crawl into a little hole.
The second ding, and my inspiration to come back to my blog, was a little newspaper article I was interviewed for. The article mentioned how I left my law firm to stay at home with my son (among other things, which are neither here nor there). On the newspaper's website, strangers made all sorts of comments--that I know I shouldn't get fired up about--but I'm not just a SAHM, I'm a Mama Bear now, too. What really burns me is that people assume that I am in my situation because I could not hack it as an attorney--or because I took the easy way out of the workforce. How denigrating.
And, I'm not even sure why. I am so in love with my job, that I sometimes find myself tearing up when I think about how lucky I am. I was there when my son took his first steps. I was there to snuggle him when he got his first black eye, followed by bruised forehead, fat lip, and scraped nose (nobody said learning to walk is easy). I am proud of the person he is becoming, and heck, I may even take a bit of the credit for it. But, it does sting a little bit when I know that I haven't changed, but others' perception of me has.
In line for a taco at my former college roomie's blowout Bday party, I struck up a conversation with the party-goer behind me. We followed the proper introduction etiquette, but I got to go first. And when I got to the "What do you do?" part...she gulped, shifted her weight back and forth...and then squeaked out, "I'm an artist." I got so excited...tons of questions filled my head (what kind of art? do you have a studio? what inspires you...etc etc etc) and then she continued "...it's kind of embarrassing."
WHAT? Embarrassing? You create beauty in the world around you. You make people smile or laugh or cry through your work. You found something you love and you had the guts to turn it into your career.
Touche.
That was then. This is now.
It's been a wonderfully adventurous summer here in Tatiman-land. Full of challenges for the Tatiman. Learning to walk-Check. Learning to say "please"-Check. Learning to 'baaaa' like a sheep-almost there (Tatiman says 'daaaaa'...like a dyslexic sheep). Full of challenges for the mommy, too. Taking the Tatiman on a cross country flight-Check. Attempting to get back in shape-Check minus. Feeling totally comfortable in my SAHM role-RUH ROH RORGE.
I'll admit it--my pride has had a few dents and dings as of late. The first came while on our trip to California to celebrate my college roommate's birthday. It was my first time meeting new people in a 'professional' (read: non play group) setting. Of course everybody exchanged the usual niceties: "What's your name?" "Where ya from?"...those were easy enough. And then the never before, but now kind of dreaded "What do you do?" Gulp. This group of 30-somethings was filled with high achievers. Consultants. Educators. Executives. Engineers. Computer Geeks. And one lowly SAHM. It was, for sure, a conversation ender. I wanted to scream "...but I used to be an attorney" on more than one occasion. I wanted to stamp "...but I'm still cool to talk to" on my forehead. I wanted...to crawl into a little hole.
The second ding, and my inspiration to come back to my blog, was a little newspaper article I was interviewed for. The article mentioned how I left my law firm to stay at home with my son (among other things, which are neither here nor there). On the newspaper's website, strangers made all sorts of comments--that I know I shouldn't get fired up about--but I'm not just a SAHM, I'm a Mama Bear now, too. What really burns me is that people assume that I am in my situation because I could not hack it as an attorney--or because I took the easy way out of the workforce. How denigrating.
And, I'm not even sure why. I am so in love with my job, that I sometimes find myself tearing up when I think about how lucky I am. I was there when my son took his first steps. I was there to snuggle him when he got his first black eye, followed by bruised forehead, fat lip, and scraped nose (nobody said learning to walk is easy). I am proud of the person he is becoming, and heck, I may even take a bit of the credit for it. But, it does sting a little bit when I know that I haven't changed, but others' perception of me has.
In line for a taco at my former college roomie's blowout Bday party, I struck up a conversation with the party-goer behind me. We followed the proper introduction etiquette, but I got to go first. And when I got to the "What do you do?" part...she gulped, shifted her weight back and forth...and then squeaked out, "I'm an artist." I got so excited...tons of questions filled my head (what kind of art? do you have a studio? what inspires you...etc etc etc) and then she continued "...it's kind of embarrassing."
WHAT? Embarrassing? You create beauty in the world around you. You make people smile or laugh or cry through your work. You found something you love and you had the guts to turn it into your career.
Touche.
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