Bittersweet.

I just cleaned out Finny Bo Binny's closet so I can pull the Tatiman's old summer clothes out of storage and move them into Finny Bo's room. Finny is a slow-grower, so this is really the first time I've done a mass-exodus of the closet, and I found myself tearing up as I packed away some of my favorite outfits.

Things are so different this time around. The Tatiman grew and changed so quickly, I just had to grab on and enjoy the ride. There wasn't a whole lot of time for reflection before we were on to the next of everything—the next clothing size, the next milestone, the next adventure. But my sweet Finny Bo Binny is moving at is own, much more relaxed, pace. He hasn't grown into a new clothing size in over 5 months, he doesn't have any teeth yet, and he still wants me to hold him 99% of the time. I think marching to the beat of Finny's drum has kept me in denial. Denial that my baby is growing up, and before I know it, he will be a running, jumping, chattering (occasionally defiant) toddler.

Finny will be ONE in just over two weeks. When the Tatiman turned one, I was just weeks away from discovering that our little family of three was on its way to becoming a family of four.

It is different this time around because I don't know if Finny Bo Binny Binny Boo Boo will be my last baby. With the Tatiman, I was so sure I was done having kids, that I just enjoyed every second. But this time, I really feel a longing for another child. I don't know when or if our lives will ever be ready for a third little person—and as I packed the clothes away this time it hit me hard that this may be the last time I see these outfits that I picked out with such excitement during the Tatiman's first years. So, while I still watch in awe as my babies are growing up—this first birthday will come with a little bittersweetness along with the cake and ice cream.